Emergency preparedness for homeowners? No, not that kind. I promise I won't mention Y2K, and fallout shelters are passe these days. These disasters are more mundane, but also more likely.

What do you do when the faucet breaks off in your hand and water is splatting off the kitchen ceiling? (What? Rinse the lettuce? I heard that!) How about when an electrical outlet starts smoking? (Mr. Chong, Mr. Marin, that will be enough!) What about when there's no heat? What do you do when somebody smells gas? (Mr. Carlin, you are excused. Report to Sister Malicia's office!) Being prepared can keep a small emergency from becoming a major incident. This month, let's start with plumbing.

Plumbing can be a real panic! The sight, the sound, the utter surprise of a fountain where none existed a moment ago can destroy your capacity rational thought. But if you have a plan, and have practiced it once or twice, the panic will only last a moment.

Under every toilet tank is a shut-off valve. Most vanity cabinets and kitchen sink cabinets have two, for the hot and cold sides. They can stop the flow when something breaks, and keep it off while repairs are done. Of course, these valves probably haven't been operated in years, and may be very difficult to turn. If you can't turn the valve with just your hand, wrap a washcloth around the handle and try again. If that doesn't work, think long and hard before going after it with a pair of pliers. Some of these valves have plastic handles that are easy to break. If you are in "getting prepared" mode, you will want to get some professional help to loosen the valves, or replace them if they are totally inoperable. If you close the valve all the way and the water keeps flowing, either you have the wrong valve or it's defective. Try another valve, or, that's right, call the plumber again! See why it's good to rehearse this stuff?

What if there is no valve under the sink, or you break it? Look further upstream. Sometimes, there is a valve on the basement ceiling that operates an entire branch (all cold water to one bathroom, for instance). All the hot water supply in the house can be stopped by closing the inlet valve on the pipe just above the top of the water heater. If that doesn't help, head for the main. All homes have a main shut-off, usually at the point where the incoming water line enters the house. Most homes have a valve on each side of the meter, and either one can shut off all your water. You should find the main and try to operate it as soon as you move in. This is your last line of defense against all kinds of watery debacles, so it's worth getting it fixed ahead of time if it's broken. If the main has a bar built around it, or is buried in boxes, the time to clear it is now.

If your house has a crawlspace instead of a basement, the main water valve is probably down in the crawl. Just imagine wriggling in there when it's partly flooded, ice cold, and all the spiders are donning little life jackets! It's enough to make you buy a basement house next time! (If there's really a lot of water in the crawl, going in there can expose you to serious electrical hazards, as well as mold, bacteria and dog-paddling arachnids. Be careful!)

Actually, there is one more way to shut off the water if the main valve doesn't work. It's called a "stop box", and it's about the size of a hockey puck, located in your front lawn. It has a 5-pointed nut on top. What, you don't have a 5-pointed wrench in your tool kit? Neither do I. Nobody is supposed to have those but firefighters and the City water department. So if ALL else fails, call the water department.